He closed his eyes, recoiling into his fear of a total misunderstanding of himself and the world. It didn't feel wrong to shut down and disappear from what it seemed to be an overweighted reality that everyone else just accepted and juggled around. It had to be him who was wrong. It was him who couldn’t figure out how to be heard, how to clearly listen, how to direct and sustain a fast paced modern living. It had to be him who had lost his ideologies and baseline values. So what else could he do besides moving away from what he thought he knew, and some even loved?
Society will leave you at drift if you so choose to. Well, is it really a choice? To exist or not exist. This existential living we all share is made of physical gestures, and silence can be considered one. Stay quiet for one, two, seven days, a month or years, and besides some confrontation here and there and sometimes an hysteric curiosity, you’ll be still existing, as you’ll be performing the act of living, even if in an absurd way to the eyes of the majority.
So he closed his eyes, and in pain, he focused in not existing. He focused in not being there, not owning anything, neither debts or forgiveness. He focused on nothing, on total emptiness of feelings. But the more his effort grew in forgetting who he was, the deeper his wounds seemed to get. He didn’t want to disappear. Life had great meaning and value to him, but he had lost his hope in belonging. Possession made sense but he couldn’t feel it without changing his breath and heartbeat. To belong, to own, to reveal… How could he embody what he could not feel?
Eyes closed, forgotten body, and the temperature lowers down, long spaced breaths…
Dear loved ones, now I miss you all. And so amazingly can I now admire your beauty, your energy. There’s so much more than our eyes can see. What an amazing world we inhabit. What a powerful, musically blasting world we inhabit.
We claim so many things to be our vision, our path, even our misfortunes we claim to deserve them or slash Life’s appreciation for not having our expectations met. Where’s that non-existence that allows us to fully embrace and abruptly fall into that first womb, our real first birth.
Hey beautiful soul, you need to feel lost to find yourself. No one, even the wisest master, can ever tell you who you are. Only you alone can stretch your beliefs, put down your walls and fully embrace who you are, the deep, eternal soul you alone are in communion with everyone else.
Don’t be afraid to close your eyes. Nothing is ever lost. Just rebuilt, reborn, transformed.
Trust in your own nature, just as other animals do not question theirs. And don’t be afraid of revealing and sharing your own questions and doubts. Love only comes to those who willingly remove their arms and masks and share with their life partners what they believe or fear.
Show yourself in the mirror and to others, and let that hypnotic rhythm of being alive and drunk in Life take over your ego, your invented brain, created persona. You are an amazing deep blue ocean, silent deep rooted trees that dance with the wind. You are the solid warmth of the sun and the darkness of a sky bursting in an intense prestissimo rain …
To be really honest and real, you must, above all, feel.